naima: my femininity is not attached to a body part
We all go through different stages of life - and therefor identities. We might not feel like a completely different person but we will experience changes. In our perspective, our desires, our reactions. Sometimes the transition from one ‘me’ to another will feel smooth and gradual - but other times it’ll be abrupt and drastic.
Naima Yasin went through such an experience last year as she had her uterus removed due to cancer. We were lucky enough to speak to her a year after to hear her story and tap into the reflections she’s done since her treatment. We already knew she was brave, thoughtful and just very bright - and this interview only underlined it a 1000 times.
If you don’t know Naima, then we would recommend listening to the podcast A Seat At The Table which she co-hosts. It is such an important podcast and you can find it here or follow it on Instagram here.
Hi Naima, can you start by telling us a bit about yourself, what you do and how you’re feeling at the moment?
My name is Naima Yasin, I am 34 years old and about a month ago I quit my job with no plan b. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. I have been grateful that I am privileged enough to be able to take time off for myself. I am terrified that it was a mistake and my ego is suffering from not having a job and not being able to define myself outside of a career perspective. But I am working on it.
You went through cancer treatment last year. Can you tell us a bit about this process?
I noticed my period was acting very strange. I have had a relationship with my period since I was 13 years old. We haven’t always been the best of friends, but I have always known if something was off. It took me around 3 months for a doctor to listen to me and actually give me a scan. The scan showed my fibroids had grown. But there was also a tumor. After 3 months of checks and conversations with different doctors, I had my surgery in september last year. When the doctor opened me up, it was clear that my uterus had overworked herself. Normally a uterus weighs around 70 gram, but mine weighed 700 grams.
I had already made the decision to remove my uterus, as it was the only option for the tumor to never return again. It was more like a consequence and not a choice. yet, I still felt like I made a decision to choose me, instead of some future kids.
It’s been a bit over a year since your surgery. How did you feel a year ago vs. How do you feel today?
A year ago I felt a great sense of loss and sadness. A year ago was the official end of this stage of life for me, the one in which I can conceive. And I spent a lot of time wondering if I had lost my femininity by saying goodbye to my womb.
A year later, and many hours with my therapist and talking with my friends, I know that our femininity is not attached to one part of our body. It's a feeling we have and no one/ nothing can take that away from us.
What kind of stories, images and people did you have a need to seek out during and after this experience
As soon as I shared my ‘news’ on instagram, I was flooded with stories from other black women in Scandinavia and the UK that had similar stories. And it meant a lot. Prior to this, the only stories I had heard was that it was very common for (white) women over the age of 40. And the ones I spoke with already had children. So I couldn’t see myself in their stories.
You’ve spoken about ‘womanhood’ and what’s connected to that. Do you feel like we need to see a wider range of stories about what it means to be a womxn?
Definitely! Even though I am very happy to never have my period again, I felt like I lost the tribe that I was ‘naturally’ part of. I lost some sense of belonging with my girlfriends like when we found ourselves linking up with our periods, sharing the pain of our cycle and so on. I know it sounds strange, but I felt like I was in no woman's land.
It would have helped to see many other stories from different stages of life of ‘how to be a womxn’. Not sure if it is possible though.
Did the experience have an effect on your self image and identity?
I still experience a kind of mourning for those parts of me that had been removed, a part of my womanhood that left me with a pervasive feeling of emptiness. But I have also felt a kind of tenderness towards my stomach and the scar after the surgery. Thanking my body for being able to survive a trauma like that.
sitre is here to create a space for everyone to feel seen and accepted for who they are. Do you feel like the stories that’s told about ‘sexiness’ are beneficial or do you think they can be damaging?
It is rare to see imperfect women with disproportionate curves, unwarranted flaws, or even excessive freckles. And it is those unrealistic images that we see in the media that contribute to our desire to be skinny and perfectly toned – to eventually develop a self-destructive sense of self. At sitre, you can actually find all of these, and I think that helps all of us who don’t see ourselves in the media, to actually find a place where the imperfect is perfect/normal.
What can we all do to create a space for people to feel free to be whoever they are?
By creating a space where everyone feels that they are heard and seen. All the problems we’re dealing with are real. No, most of us are not starving or experiencing gross oppression or prosecution. Our lives are safe. Even so, this doesn’t mean that we don’t have the right to experience emotional pain. Each person’s brain creates their own benchmark for worry, happiness, panic, sadness, and all the other feelings based on their personal experience and immediate environment. We do not only want to survive but thrive.
How do you show yourself love and make yourself feel accepted?
I try to listen to my thoughts. I try to give them the space to exist. It has been a huge journey for me to accept my feelings as valid. I have a hard time to relaxing, or just take a whole weekend where I am not productive. I know it’s a trauma response, but I try to be kind to myself and these thoughts.
What advice would you give to someone who is going through what you went through (and still are)?
I wish someone had told me that it’s a process of forgiveness. Forgiveness that we have no control over cancer, and that it doesn’t differentiate between good and evil people. And it will also be a process where you will learn how to re-own your body and accept that you will forever wear a scar to show where your womb stormed out of your life.
Thank you for sharing your story <3
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