eliza: was it good for you?
What do you think of when you hear the expression ‘sex therapist’ ? A lot of people will probably expect to meet someone who represents an outdated world they can’t relate to - think Barbra Streisand in ‘Little Fockers’. And this is not our way of talking down tie-dye (we love tie dye) and dream catchers. But it’s really refreshing meeting people like Eliza Lawrence; a London-based sex & love therapist and the founder of the important project ‘Wasitgoodforyou’. She’s bringing a personal and professional perspective to the subject and has explored sex from multiple angles, including being a writer for an ethical porn hub and a creative director for a lube brand - because yes… lube brands also need a creative direction. But instead of telling you about her inspiring journey, we’ll let her tell you herself. But pleasure make sure to follow her here and her project Wasitgoodfor you here.
Hi Eliza, could you give us a quick intro to your story and tell us how you’re feeling at the moment?
My story is a zigzag of different homes, different surroundings, and a multitude of bewildering moments. It makes so much sense that I now have a cocktail of professions and passions now. I am young enough to feel a wide expanse and old enough to understand the plethora of human emotions. For instance, now I feel a mixture between happiness and deep sadness. I have just got on the train to head from the sea to the metropolis, charged with saltwater dreads in my hair that will be washed quickly away by the polluted mist of London.
Can you tell us what you do as a relationship, love and environmental therapist?
I have only just started this career but I begin from a knowledge that the system is broken and education for both the sex and climate world is thoroughly limited. I seek to allow safe spaces where individuals or groups I work with can discuss difficult topics, break them down and propel themselves into deeper understandings of their’s and others' sexual identities. I want my clients or the groups I work with to come out with solutions and skills for dealing with situations that may arise or topics that hold discomfort. I do this using a creative framework.
How did you end up following this road?
I have been working in the sex industry since I was at university. It started with my website ‘Wasitgoodforyou’ which is a portal displaying topics surrounding sex through the mouthpiece of different artists' practice. I then worked as an editor for a sexual expression magazine called The Amorist and from there I found that this was a profession I could wrap my legs around and have fun. I moved to Berlin where I became a creative director of a lubricant brand called Vedra. After that, I moved to London and worked as a writer for Cheex which is a brilliant ethical porn site. The beauty of being a freelancer is that you can do all and be all (although this is a drawback also). Having the commercial, poetic, and artistic viewpoint of all things sex, allowed me to understand that sex was a much-needed conversation. I believe the easiest way for this conversation to be helpful and safe, would be to understand all its complexities and how to facilitate this topic. In lockdown, I trained as a certified coach with Animas and then dug a little deeper by completing a psychosexual therapy course at Tavistock. Now I am doing intimacy direction, building Wasitgoodforyou even further, and taking on clients!
sitre is hoping that we’re entering a new chapter for pleasure. How did the stories you were told about intimacy when growing up affect you?
I don’t believe I was told any stories about pleasure when I was younger and I am not sure what age you should be. I found pleasure in eating crisps, watching Mum do anything, and hugging my sisters. That was my pleasure and still is. Erotic pleasure only began when I understood myself and what I needed and what I certainly wouldn’t allow. So maybe 25?
Have you ever felt shameful in regards to your desires or intimate self?
I think we can never underestimate how culture can induce shame as they force women to compare themselves to others and men to admire women who fit into those standards. I have felt shame when I have compared myself to others. However, I am me and there is no one with the same bum chin, or crease underneath my belly button, not even the same moans or groans. I am not satisfied completely but I no longer compare myself to others and thus the shame starts to deteriorate.I
also don’t put myself in situations or hang with people now who make me feel that way (sometimes it's hard to ignore though).
You are the founder of the platform Wasitgoodforyou. Can you tell us a bit about the purpose of the platform and how you ended up starting it?
Wasitgoodforyou is a passion project. Quite literally. Wasitgoodforyou is a space for you to be vulnerable, tell your story, and hear other people's experiences. I value subjectivity and think that sex for too long has been defined too simply, restrictively, and unethically. Sex involves so many different people, personalities, genders, contexts and sexualities. Love is one of the most powerful emotions as it attaches itself to all the other emotions; love leads to joy, love leads to pain, love leads to anger and love leads to loneliness. The path is always unclear. It is global and universal and it leads no one and nothing unturned by its miracles. Sex is the same. Wasitgoodforyou is a way we can deal with all these grandiose topics and filter them into art, using your creative mouthpiece to get a little bit more open.
Has your journey as a coach changed your own perspective on pleasure?
I am very lucky in that I hear so many subjective stories of differing experiences. I knew where my pleasure came from before and what it felt like and I knew it wasn’t universal, but I now get to know even more that linear pleasure doesn’t exist, that pleasure could never be boiled down to a definition, and that we all experience it in vastly different ways.
Finally: what advice would you give someone if they felt held back sexually by shame?
I would advise them to understand where that shame is coming from. Is it predisposing or precipitating? When did it start, where, and with who? Situate it- understand it. Only then, can you move from it. Then begin your journey in understanding what your sexuality means to you. If you haven’t already, educate yourself. Go to sexually free places, workshops, and educative lectures. These spaces can also exist online.
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