marie: I no longer play a role
Photo by Ocean Productions.
Marie Jedig was, in our eyes at least, one of the original Danish bloggers. Today she’s a content creator and her taste is so inspiring that it’s hard not to wanting to step into a Marie Jedig world… we for one can’t stop looking at pictures of her home which is colourful, calm and inspiring all at the same time. But we have wanted to chat to Marie for other reasons; she’s always been very open and honest in regards to her relationships and we’ve been lucky enough to be let into her intimate thoughts. Romance, intimacy and love are themes that are hard to completely separate. It’s important to note that love doesn’t have to mean sex and sex doesn’t have to mean love - but studies find that if the two are combined, couples are less likely to divorce and they are more likely to to be overall satisfied in their relationship* if they’re intimate with each other. But you can’t just expect satisfaction to appear when being with a partner; you have to feel empowered to prioritise your own pleasure. And to do this, you’ll have to essentially love and even understand yourself and not just your partner. Marie has learned this - and as she says: self-love and discovery isn’t just a saying, it’s hard but essential work. We absolutely adored this conversation - thank you Marie for opening up. We hope you will all follow her inspiring world right here.
Dear Marie. We’ve been following you for… I don’t even know how many years? But could you give our readers a quick insight into who you are and how you’re feeling at the moment?
First of all - how exciting that you have been following along - so we almost know each other? To the rest of you; my name is Marie, I'm 31 years old, originally from South Zealand and have lived in Copenhagen for ten years. I work on a daily basis as, what I prefer to call, a content creator. The term "influencer" doesn't fit our Danish inferiority complex, and I can't claim to influence anyone myself - but I create content, share, close my eyes with crossed fingers and hope for the best.
2023 has been a crap year in many ways. I have been down and lying - literally - crying in the fetal position on the bathroom floor (because there is underfloor heating, so it felt like a warm hug). However, I am now totally back on my feet and feeling quite amazing. The strange thing is that nothing else has happened, except that I have managed to change my focus. It sounds like a mixture of hocus pocus and clichés - but it suddenly dawned on me that I am surrounded by the wildest people who stimulate me in all the right ways - and then inferiority and bad hair days can just happen.
One thing we’ve always loved about you is that you truly believe in love. You’ve always generously shared about your relationships on your blog and we’ve felt the ups and downs with you. Thank you for that. Do you think that you see romantic relationships the same way now as you did 10 years ago?
Thanks for mentioning that. I am a romantic by heart, and I have always been fascinated by adventure and presence. I already fell in love in daycare and planned our big future. It's extremely easy for me to notice and give in, so falling in love just naturally happens faster and maybe harder for a sensitive person like me. At the same time, I am honest and direct by nature, and the combination of falling in love quickly and expressing it has usually led to a certain seriousness between me and my romantic relationships. But I've gotten wiser over the years and I'm not fooled by lasciviousness and quick confirmation anymore, so my understanding of love is far deeper and purer now than in my 10s and 20s. My current partner is not only hot as hell and can make me laugh - he's also a crazy good match. He challenges me, teaches me a lot - and our love feels both deep and light at the same time.
Have your romantic partners had an impact on how you’ve seen yourself?
I really acknowledge the impact of my former partners on me and my life, and for the same reason try to keep the good, friendly tone in the relationships afterwards - because most of all I am grateful for all the experience and knowledge I have gained through love. I have "fortunately" along the way chosen partners and situationships that adored me, thereby confirming a part of me, but I have discovered in my periods of solitude the importance of confirming myself. It sounds obvious, but it is difficult to know while you are standing in it - it requires time and reflection. It's hard work. Almost as hard work as being in a relationship with a man you constantly long for, but who doesn't share your values and life goals. It is a difficult but necessary evil in the pursuit of happiness. Compromises are good and instructive, but most of all I am happy with the experience of which compromises I can personally enter into without losing myself along the way.
How do you think this has impacted your relationship to intimacy and pleasure?
For many years, feeling desired and seen as delicious was the ultimate affirmation. This has clearly affected my relationship with intimacy and pleasure - because these two hugely important feelings were downgraded in favour of the man's general experience of me. I almost delivered a performance. Took on a role. When I finally discovered the importance of intimacy and pleasure, it changed my entire experience of sex. It became less of a show and more present. It has been an extremely important journey - because in a way it also symbolises getting to know myself, being able to set limits, notice and let go - in all respects.
Photo by Ocean Productions
sitre is trying to create a new narrative around intimacy as we felt we had mainly learned about pleasure from Hollywood. How do you think your idea of pleasure and intimacy has changed throughout the years?
I come from the first generation that experienced hard porn as accessible as one click away on the computer - and it has in my view affected my generations extremely negatively that their first encounter with sexuality have been through porn, without having actual regulations or conversations about it. Not that I have anything against porn - but it has been a difficult sexual start for millennials to have access to such explicit content without knowing what is actually happening on the screen and that it rarely has any connection to reality. It's as if we haven't had time to feel ourselves and our bodies before we are gifted with a totally unrealistic, sexual overstimulation. I have the feeling that the accessibility has over time led to a more relaxed relationship with porn - and most importantly, conversations about the desire for, and the need for, pleasure in the real world. It has taken me many years to abandon the idea of the "naughty" rather than the truly sexually stimulating.
Have you ever felt like you had to live up to a specific idea of what a relationship should be - and therefore intimacy?
When I was younger - yes - but mostly because I was inexperienced and impressionable. But luckily not anymore. I am too devoted and immediate, and with age I have gained an enormous amount of trust and confidence in myself and my own idea of intimacy and relationships. Furthermore, all connections are different, therefore also all relationships, so I am also at peace with the fact that the way my boyfriend and I practise intimacy is exactly the right one for us. At the same time, it has also been both hard and rewarding to share ups and downs in my romantic relationships with my followers, because I have felt that I would subsequently have to account for down periods. I have experienced followers who have sent me handwritten letters and emails with their personal view of my relationships and breakups, great understanding and pats on the back in town, but unfortunately also attempts at discord and sabotage. It has been difficult to handle and required strength from my partners, to understand and help me and us through.
Do you find it easy to prioritise and pursue your own pleasure today?
The short answer is yes! But it takes hard work to understand and prioritise oneself, also for me, so the road there has not been without bumps.
Finally: what advice would you give someone if they found it hard to prioritise their own desires as much as their partners (or more)?
First of all, for me, it has been about finding a partner who also prioritises me and my sexual needs. Discovering mutual desire and the feeling of total trust has been hugely important in my journey towards personal pleasure. And then I think that a lot is connected with your general, mental and physical wellbeing. If I am in balance physically with touch, sleep, food, water and whatever other basic needs there are, it is also easier to see myself in the mirror naked and feel calm and comfortable, and thereby enjoy.
*https://us.calmerry.com/blog/love/discover-the-reasons-why-love-is-associated-with-sex/
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