lakeisha: pleasure should connect us to who we are.
Lakeisha Goedluck is a Copenhagen-based journalist from London. Because of her profession she always think deep and critical about trends, society and lucky for us, intimacy. She sees sex as something essential that should be for all - but this doesn’t mean that her path has been easy as she’s experienced sexual assault and damaging misconceptions. It means she’s become very aware (and clear) about her boundaries, which is something we could all learn from. Thank you Lakeisha for sharing your story. Please make sure to follow her and her stories right here.
Hi Lakeisha, could you start by giving our readers a bit of insight into who you are?
I'm originally from London but I've lived in Copenhagen for the past five years. I work as a freelance writer both for companies and magazines such as Dazed, Vogue and Refinery29. I like to say you can take the girl out of South London but you can't take South London out of the girl! I'm an extroverted, quietly-spoken soul who likes to make people laugh. Friendly and funny is my vibe (I hope!)
In your opinion, how does media influence societal perceptions of sexual representation?
The old adage "sex sells" definitely still rings true. However, we've traditionally always seen one version of what that looks like. Toned, often white individuals with bodies and faces airbrushed to nonsensical levels. I like to think representation is getting better: brands such as sitre are working to dismantle these preconceived notions by showing people from diverse backgrounds with different body types engaging in pleasureful situations. My hope is that broadening the spectrum of who we see engaging in pleasure will encourage a greater understanding as a society that sex should be accessible to everyone –– no matter their age, class, racial background or the culture they stem from. Self-pleasure and enjoying yourself with others should be joyful, safe acts that connect us to who we are and create a sense of community.
Have you ever felt affected by sexual stereotypes and taboos?
Stereotypes persist that Black women are sexual deviants or that our physiology is somehow different. I have experienced this idea that I'm an "exotic" choice or a rare opportunity –– this idea of "I've never been with a Black woman before". These misconceptions are dangerous, framing Black women as individuals who are only good for sex, people with no agency, or not suitable romantic partners. It makes dating a lot more difficult; we want to be seen as people and not playthings.
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were in an unhealthy intimate relationship - and if so, how do you navigate this?
Like many women out there, I was sexually assaulted by an ex-partner. This has impacted my relationship with my body and how I interact with others, often causing me to withdraw during intimacy. I have been fortunate to interact with men (I'm a heterosexual woman) who are patient and understand my boundaries, creating a sexual environment that's safe and fulfilling.
What role do you think intimacy has in your life today?
I'm currently single and hoping to find a long-term romantic partner. While I have engaged in casual sex in the past, it's not particularly what I'm looking for at the moment. Therefore, I've explored being intimate with myself more in recent times than I have. The results can be empowering, allowing me to connect with my own body to feel even more comfortable regarding sharing my bed with another person when the relationship is right.
Can you share your perspective on the relationship between confidence and intimacy?
I think the sexier you feel in your own skin, the more open you'll be to intimacy. True intimacy means being vulnerable: exposing not just your body and your likes/dislikes but also who you are to another person. Confidence allows you to shed any additional layers and really show another person who you are without any inhibitions. That's when you're able to fully connect physically and emotionally with others.
Finally, what advice would you give if someone felt their insecurities or self-doubt that may hinder their ability to engage intimately with others?
It's important to have patience with yourself. There's no point in fakeness or pressuring yourself into being a dishonest version of yourself. Explain to your partner, if you feel safe to do so, what your limitations and insecurities are. The people who deserve to experience intimacy with you will hold space for them. The more you practice showing up in earnest, the more confident and comfortable you'll feel. Remember, we all have insecurities and they are part of what makes us who we are. There's nothing to be ashamed of.
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