jeppe: "I give more of myself when I feel good"

This week we’re connect with Jeppe Dencker; an inspiring craftsman, driven entrepreneur and deeply mindful human-being. We loved hearing about his journey to a more wellness-conscious lifestyle and how he thinks this has an affect on intimacy. Wellness can seem so daunting and like a never-ending list of to do’s - but listening to Jeppe’s approach made us feel like it is possible to feel good without putting everything else aside. As Jeppe says; it’s as much about learning not to care about the things that don’t matter and that, for him at least, has become easier with age and especially after becoming a dad. We loved that Jeppe’s role as a father has also made him reflect more on how themes like intimacy, sex and gender are represented in the society and media. Our perspective change with life and that’s why we know it’s so important not to just tell one story, but many. Because there isn’t just one truth. You can visit Jeppe’s beautiful leather house Dahlman right here or go follow him on Instagram here.

Hi Jeppe, can you start by giving our readers a short intro to who you are?
My name is Jeppe and I’m 32 years old. I’m partner, craftsman and creative director at Dahlman, a leather goods company dating back to 1807. I have a daughter from a previous relationship and a new girlfriend that I’ve been with for about nine months now.

I grew up with parents that where hippies back in the 60’s and 70’s and they taught me the importance of empathy, kindness and being in touch with your emotions. These values are also something I’m trying to pass on to my own daughter. In a world that can seem quite harsh and cynical at times, we need more people with a good and honest heart.

How do you incorporate wellness into your everyday life?

When it comes to my physical wellbeing I try to eat healthy, only smoke cigarettes when I’m at parties and regularly do exercise. It’s pretty simple stuff, really. I’m not really a gym-person, so instead I work out at home or go for a run. Most importantly I listen to my body and I act if anything starts to feel wrong.

Regarding the mental wellness I’m generally pretty laid back and easy going as a person. This helps a lot when it comes to stress and worries. One things that helps me a lot, is is to be vocal about things that bug me.

I have to be honest, it’s taken me some time to get here, and there are still things I need to work on. But it’s crazy how much it helps to talk openly about whatever issues you might have. Keeping negative thoughts to yourself will take up so much unnecessary space in your mind.

Have you always prioritised wellness?
Prioritising wellness is kind of a new thing in my life. For many years I’ve been really good at suppressing the signals I was getting from my body. I was eating quite unhealthy, often skipping breakfast and lunch, and at times I would be smoking more than 20 cigarettes a day. If I was feeling any type of pain or uneasiness in my body I would just ignore it and hope that it eventually would pass. fun fact; it didn’t.

Last year I met an amazing girl and fell in love. She lives a very healthy lifestyle and she really inspired me to make some changes in my own life. Focusing on eating better, getting enough sleep and exercising.

Do you see intimacy and wellness as connected?
Definitely. One thing is the physical part of it, but even more important is the mental wellness when it comes to intimacy. In order to truly relax and enjoy intimacy, you have to be able to let go and be present in the moment. That’s not easy if your mind isn’t in a good place or if you’re too self-conscious.

Has that always been the case or has it been a process to get to that point?
If you had asked me this question a few years ago I would probably have answered differently. But after making these positive changes in my life, I’ve realised that feeling healthy has had a big impact the way I feel about intimacy. When I feel good inside I can focus even more and give much more of myself to the other person.

Can you relate to the language and visuals that we’re used to seeing when talking sex and intimacy?
Well, the short answer is no.

But to me, there’s also a difference between the verbal and non-verbal communication about sex and intimacy. I think women especially are getting better at talking and creating an openness about intimacy, sex and subjects, that might have been taboo some years ago. Whereas men still have a long way to go.

Also when it comes to men and feeling sexy. That’s not really something anyone talks about, but it can have a huge impact on sex and intimacy. I think a lot of men struggle with insecurities because of social media. And the dangerous thing about something like Instagram is that it’s not real. Or at least it’s a carefully curated reality. And it can be hard not to compare your own life and the way you look, with what you see posted online. It can make you insecure in so many ways.

As I’m getting older, I don’t feel affected by this in the same way anymore, but i definitely used to. It started to change when I became a father. I simply didn’t have the energy to care that much anymore. I was lacking sleep and just trying to keep this tiny human alive and happy. I also realised that I now have a responsibility now, when it comes to my daughter. To teach her about the beauty of diversity and that she shouldn’t change anything about herself because of the way other people might perceive beauty, sex or intimacy.

How do you think this language impacts people’s (and your own) ideas of intimacy?
I feel sad, when I see companies using sexualising clichés in advertisements. Often women are being objectified as kind of a reward if you buy a certain product. It’s dangerous because it gives a skewed idea of the relationship between men and women, where men's needs are often put above the women’s. Just like it's okay for a man to have a lot of sexual partners, but a woman has to be careful with this, because of what people might think of her.

We need to change this stereotypical way of perceiving intimacy as something that is mostly physical and talk more about communication and emotions. To me, the best type of intimacy - being sex or otherwise - is when you have an emotional connection. In order to get that connection, you need communicate open and honestly with your partner, creating a safe space for the both of you.

Finally, if you were going to give your younger self advice about intimacy, what would it be?
Communication is key. Don’t just focus on the physical and the physical performance. The most amazing part of sex and intimacy happening in your mind and not your body.

Thank you Jeppe for sharing your story, we loved hearing about your journey.

jeppe: "I give more of myself when I feel good"

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