four self-pleasing stories
Photo by Petra Kleis by Yasmin Kazemi
Some names have been changed.
Self-pleasing, masturbation, sex with yourself. A lot has happened within this field the last few years; we’ve seen more types of toys and tools, you can find erotic audio stories and there’s more diverse and real porn available (even though there’s still space for a lot more).
To us, self-pleasing is about wellness. When you focus on yourself (and just yourself), you’re showing your mind and body care. There’s no one else in the picture but you, so you’re giving yourself the attention you deserve. It can also help stress, anxiety, confidence and so much more.
The benefits are obvious. But we know that masturbation is something that can seem daunting for some. Maybe because it can be hard to know how to start or there might be some shame or guilt attached to it? If that’s the case, don’t beat yourself up about it. Because there’s nothing worse than feeling bad about feeling bad. Right?
We’re here for everyone. The ones who masturbate all the time, the ones who do it once in a while, the ones who don’t and the ones who never will. But it’s by talking about it that it becomes easier to understand your own desires, so no matter your decision, you know you’re doing it because YOU want to do it that way. Not because of norms or shame. That’s why we spoke to four people about their stories. We’re always so thankful for people sharing their thoughts as it’s so important to us to get as many perspectives as possible.
Anne
Why do you masturbate and how does it make you feel?
I masturbate for pleasure. I use it as a quick “fix” to get me excited for a day before going out the door or just when I am in the mood. It makes me feel energetic and sexy so just before going out it is a really good “tool”.
How did your journey of self pleasing start?
Wow that is going back a while. I remember the start as very experimental (or rather having no clue and just doing what I thought was right). It started as pure penetration using fingers. It was fun at first but it became a lot more fun when the clitoris was discovered. It took me a very long time to start using vibrators. OMG I still remember what Boyzone tracks got me in the mood – haha.
Do you think it’s changed since the start?
100%!!!! To start with I had no clue what to do. What has changed, especially, is my own attitude regarding masturbation. As a kid I don’t remember it as something I wanted to do very often. No one talked about masturbating and therefore I didn’t think that much about it. That changed later as sex and sexual pleasure was more on everyone’s radar… Oh to be a teenager again. It actually took me a looooong time to get comfortable using vibrators. I have had them for years but never used them because it felt like such a big step to start. But once I got over the ‘hump’ I never looked back. And going from traditional vibrators to alternatives (sucking and sonic) masturbating has gotten a lot more fun.
Have you ever felt any shame or taboos in regards to masturbation?
I wouldn’t call it shame. I think shame must come from someone else. I just don’t remember it as being something that I ever wanted to discuss with anyone… maybe that is shame? Idk. But I never had the urge to ask anyone or talk to anyone about it because I didn’t really know what to talk about. I think my desire to be open about masturbation is much stronger now that I know what I am doing. I want to spread the word.
Do you think there’s a relationship between your wellness and self pleasing?
Definitely. It always gets me in a good mood to masturbate and releases a lot of tension. Also, it makes me feel sexy. And for me going out feeling sexy is very much wellness for the mind.
What tip would you give to someone who hasn’t explored self pleasing that much yet but wants to start?
Just do it! There is no recipe or right and wrong. I would recommend starting with a simple vibrator. Maybe not the best orgasm of your life but a VERY good place to start. And just keep going – your body and mind will thank you. If I talked to someone who didn’t masturbate, I would tell them that for me it also helped me figure out what I wanted from sex. It can be easier to explore your own pleasure on your own and the translate that to a sexual partner.
Simone
Why do you masturbate and how does it make you feel?
It makes me feel good about myself and relax.
How did your journey of self pleasing start?
It usually starts when I feel sexy about myself and playing my favourite sensual music.
Do you think it’s changed since the start?
Yes, it changed because I learned more about myself and what I like through the years.
Have you ever felt any shame or taboos in regards to masturbation?
Yes and no, I don't feel shame, but sometimes you can feel that other people feel shame, when you start talking about it.
Do you think there’s a relationship between your wellness and self pleasing?
Yes. Fresh flowers, essential oils or open window; they’re all part of my pleasure wellness ritual.
What tip would you give to someone who hasn’t explored self pleasing that much yet but wants to start?
Celebrate yourself as an erotic creature. Don't compare yourself or your needs to others. It's okay to try new things. We all have different bodies.
Nana
Why do you masturbate and how does it make you feel?
When I first started masturbating it was with my boyfriend as a sexual thing together (we were both virgins at the time). After a while I started doing it on my own and realised that it made me more relaxed, helped with cramps and insomnia. Later I had a relationship, where we bought sex toys in the middle of a drunken night out in Istergade. First it was a joke, but it was a nice twist and I kept some of it after the relationship ended. Now I can still use masturbation for insomnia or cramping but mostly I do it as “me time” to feel relaxed and sexy.
Do you think it’s changed since the start?
Definitely! I could easily spend an extra hour in bed masturbating, maybe even watching porn in the morning when I was single and living alone. Now I don’t have the same time, but I always take the opportunity if I’m home alone.
Have you ever felt any shame or taboos in regards to masturbation?
Never. I’ve always been open about it and what works for me. Maybe I have been lucky being in a group of friends where sex and masturbation were conversation topics.
Do you think there’s a relationship between your wellness and self pleasing?
Definitely. I think it’s part of know how your body works and probably also makes it easier to explain what you want from your partner in a sexual relationship.
What tip would you give to someone who hasn’t explored self pleasing that much yet but wants to start?
Don’t hesitate! Try it and find out what works for you. Maybe ask your closest friends for inspiration.
Emily
Why do you masturbate and how does it make you feel?
I masturbate because I have sensual feelings that need to be relieved and because it feels amazing. In a way it makes me feel empowered and in touch with all parts of my body.
How did your journey of self pleasing start?
I believe it properly started in my early twenties while being in a relationship that made me explore my body in new ways and made me hungry for more.
Do you think it’s changed since the start?
It has definitely changed since I started doing it more frequently while being single but still something I need even though I’m in a relationship.
Have you ever felt any shame or taboos in regards to masturbation?
I have never been ashamed of masturbating but at the same time it is not something I have discussed and talked about with that many. In a way I guess it’s related to the fact that it lies deep within our norms that it’s not something we talk about. Fortunately, I feel like it started changing in the past few years. I don’t know wether it is related to the fact that I am older and more confident or if it’s because society has started to be more open about sex and masturbation.
Do you think there’s a relationship between your wellness and self pleasing?
I think self-pleasing is very much interlinked to wellness. In my opinion wellness is all about feeling good, calm and relaxed and those feelings are all something you give yourself when doing self pleasure.
What tip would you give to someone who hasn’t explored self pleasing that much yet but wants to start?
Allow yourself to give it a lot of time. Pleasing yourself is not necessarily something you learn quickly but can be something you explore over time. It can take a while before you know what works for you but the ride to the destination is a lot of fun and joy.
If you have any thoughts on this subject, please contact us. We love to hear from you.
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