elisa: realism is sexy
We've said before: sitre feels like there's still a lot to do regarding creating a more honest and real take on sexiness. But (yes we love a but) there are some incredible strong people pushing the debate forward.
One of them is Elisa Lykke: a PR machine who has now moved into erotic literature, as she's just come out with the book Female Fantasies (Original title: Kvindefantasier). The book is a collection of erotic essays written by a group of amazing women who includes (besides Elisa herself) actor Anne Louise Hassing, comedian Ane Høgsberg, tv host Sara Maria Franch-Mærkedahl, radio host Maria Jencel, author/radio host/singer Sanne Gottlieb as well as lawyer/author Anne Sofie Allarp.
We spoke to Elisa about her book, why there's a need to hear about sex from different types of people - especially women - and how we all need to explore our lust by getting input from realistic material and not just from porn sites. We absolutely loved this conversation and hope you will too.
You have just released the book Female Fantasies (Original title: Kvindefantasier) - we live in a world that is extremely driven by the visual. Why did you choose the written format to talk about lust and sex?
The world is extremely focused on the visual and of course I’m also fascinated by that. But I think seeing sex and lust in writing is something truly special. There’s no noise, you can just immerse yourself into your own lust and imaginative universe. You’re creating the visuals and fantasies and have to take ownership of your lust and the roads you follow into your own sexual imaginative universe. I have always been fascinated by Anais uk, Fanny by Erica Jong and last but not least The Grey Pages in ‘Ugens Rapport’.
I think it’s exciting and makes you free from visuals like porn. Porn is also appealing to me, but not in a realistic way like my book is. It’s written by real women who have lived, given birth, felt life, experienced grief, disgust and many types of loves… everything that happens to us in the real world. We can identify with these women and I think that it makes the whole thing more authentic and juicy.
The book is a collection of essays written by a group of women who all represent different ages, stories and backgrounds. Do you feel that our society needs to hear more different types of voices talk about sex and intimacy?
Yes, I don’t feel like we’ve come far enough in women’s sexual journey the last couple of decades. We have gone far and we have won battles in many ways, but there’s clearly still missing an understanding and room for the wild female desire - something which is often only connected to men and their uncontrollable lust and horniness. We women have it too, and that’s why it’s a broad selection of female authors, as they are writing realistically sexy essays that women can mirror themselves in - women who are really digging deep into their own desire and sexuality. Here it’s the woman who is setting the premise and who is surrendering herself to the sexual storylines in the essays.
You’ve mentioned that you feel like the book is bringing more real stories than the ones we’re used to in erotic litterature. Do you feel like it’s important that we’re making space for the story about sex becoming more realistic?
I especially feel like it’s important that the youth doesn’t get taught by Pornhub and Redtube. There will be quite a few, especially young men, who will be extremely disappointed if they think women in the real world will be up for whatever they’ve seen in porn. There are still so many unspoken conversations to have about desire and what sex is; it’s so individual and no one should ever feel wrong because of their desire. So we need to keep talking about sex in a relatable way so no one feels wrong or bad - and because of that it’s important to hear stories from the real life. And I think a lot of young people will have a much better start to their sexual journey, if they know a more authentic and realistic version of sex.
The book is extremely successful and has been welcomed with open arms. What do you think that says about our society’s relationship to sex, lust and intimacy?
That we still have great desire to understand each other’s lust and get inspired by other women’s way of navigating their desire and sex life - whether you’re divorced, in a relationship, mum or single. We have a need to mirror ourselves in others. And then I think the last year has meant we have a big need to FEEL something - and you can do that with ‘Female Fantasies’, which has come at a dry period for many.
And at last - what tips would you give a person’s whose sex life (either with themselves or with a partner) is standing completely still and because of that want to explore their desire a bit more?
Very in line with my book: fuel your fantasies. Explore your body in a new way; we so quickly become creatures of habit - so break out of the box. Get inspired by other people’s stories and try to see if you would like to try something you’ve never tried before. Your gel seems like a great way to start. An ‘innocent’ way to introduce new wet games when you’re either alone or with a partner. Embark new roads; there’s nothing more sexy than a man or a woman who are brave enough to stand by themselves and their desire.
If you love Elisa as much as we do then go follow her on Instagram @elisalykke and you can buy her book in pretty much all Danish bookshops. So go go go. And if you enjoyed this article, then please do share. And let us know if you have any comments or ideas for other articles. Just email us at hello@feelsitre.com
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sitre is a sex wellness company on a mission to change the perception of sexiness through stories and products. because sex happens as much in our heads as in our bodies, so it’s time we start caring for both.
Our first product is a sex gel: a luxury lube full of natural ingredients to create high quality moisture. Learn more here.
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our sex gel is a luxury lube. it is water-based and with organic aloe vera, using high quality ingredients to create natural moisture.